


Blessedly Cold

by DragonWannabe



Series: Jötunn Loki [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies), Thor - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bruce is the voice of reason, Gen, Insecurity, Internalized racism, Jotun | Jötunn, Jötunn Loki, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Thor made some choices in the 'Dubious Morality' zone, but Loki committed treason and it's hard to work with that, heat exhaustion, scientific experiments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 13:39:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2271789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonWannabe/pseuds/DragonWannabe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As much as he hated  his circumstances, he found them preferable to when they found out what he truly was. </p><p>OR</p><p>Nick Fury refuses to let such a large hole in Earth's defenses exist just because Loki doesn't want to turn into a cold smurf.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blessedly Cold

**Author's Note:**

> No copyright infringement was intended, and all of the characters belong to Marvel. I am making no money from the creation of this work. 
> 
> This is un-beta'd, so if you see any mistakes, please tell me. 
> 
> Please do not copy/repost without my permission. 
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy!

The Avengers didn't really mind him anymore. Oh at first, they hated him. Barton and Stark especially. In turn he feared the doctor who had beaten him, and was wary of the spider and the Captain. As time went on, though, their grievances faded, and Stark joined Banner and Thor's woman to study his magic. 

It was part of his punishment to make reparations to Midgard; he was to help rebuild, to heal, and do whatever was asked of him. He let them study his magic, and allowed them to fashion restraints that could hold the average Ás. 

Loki hated it. He hated being a test subject and a servant to mortals. He despised the fact that he was always watched. 

He was watched by one of SHIELD's goons, if he was outside his quarters. If he wasn't, Stark's JARVIS supervised him instead. 

He couldn't use magic unless granted permission. Any of the Avengers or higher ranking personnel at SHIELD could allow him use his seidr, but none of them, save Thor, let him use it very much. And if he didn't want to use his magic for something, both the director and Thor knew the words that would force him. 

What little magic he used was in a lab or fighting some enemy. 

And as much as he hated his circumstances, he found them preferable to when they found out what he truly was. 

It was his fault as much as Thor's. He shouldn't have denied being Thor's brother in front of Fury, he was becoming increasingly aware of this. But it was completely Thor's fault anything was being done about it. 

"You said Loki was adopted. Is he from another Asgardian family?" The director asked and before Loki could lie and say yes, Thor spoke. 

"No. My brother was born on Jötunheimr." Loki couldn't just very well yell at him to be quiet, so he settled for glaring. 

" Loki here looks just like you." Fury's voice was even, but Loki could feel the menace beneath it. 

"The All-Father placed a glamour on my brother so he would look like the Æsir." 

"Would he normally look different?"

"No." Loki blurted, the same time Thor said yes. 

The director looked at him, "Excuse me if I don't believe the God of Lies." He turned to Thor, "What would he look like?"

"He is a Jötunn, and they are large, almost as tall as Banner's green beast, but much thinner. Frost giants have blue skin and tend to be very cold; if one of the Æsir touches one, they are frost bitten." Thor explained, only once he finished did he send an apologetic glance towards Loki.

"You don't look very tall." Fury said. 

"I was a runt. No taller than one of the Æsir." And left to die, but the man didn't need to know that. 

"I want to know all I can about any alien races, in case they decide to attack us. Do you understand?" He was going to force the issue, Loki understood. He wouldn't blame him for the desire to know. Except. Except Loki didn't want to participate. 

"I am not changing my form for you to study." Never mind the fact he wasn't sure if he _could_ without access to a frost giant or their magic. 

"This isn't up for discussion. You will let any scientist I deem necessary to look at this form. I won't let such an unnecessary hole in our defenses exist because you don't want to look different." His voice was cold. They hadn't forced him to use his magic yet, but he was beginning to realize that this would probably be the first time. 

"You are going to have to force me, because I will not change shape."

Fury nodded, "Okay. We can do that."

§

"No, get _off_ me you oaf!" Loki struggled in Thor's grip on his arms, trying to free his wrists. He could feel the pity radiating off of his once-brother, but this was his _punishment_ as decreed by the All Father and what could Thor do against that?

Fury started speaking and Loki felt the relative temperature shift, could see the blue snaking up his body and he had to force himself to stay put and not make a fool of himself trying to run off to hide. 

He refused to meet Thor's gaze, any affection he may have held for Loki would have disintegrated once he could see the proof of what he was. 

§

Loki felt disgusting. Until now, he could only imagined what he must have looked like. But now he had seen it and it was so much worse. 

He had dark lines criss crossing his skin, skin that shouldn't have been blue. He had eyes that should have been blue, green if he was working magic, but instead they were crimson and Loki could only look at them for a few moments before he had to avert his gaze. He couldn't look at his hands because they were supposed to be pale, and his fingernails pink but instead they were blue and black. His teeth were white, they always had been. His canine teeth were rounded after a thousand years of use. They shouldn't be that color, that awful yellow and they shouldn't have been so sharp. 

His abdomen hurt and he could feel a difference between his legs so shocking he couldn't do much more than clamp them shut and hope no one found out. 

His reflection was everywhere, thanks to the metal containment unit they had placed him in. It was supposed to be shared by him and Banner, depending who was at the facility.

Everything was too hot. What had once been perfect was now boiling, and this body couldn't sweat. He didn't want to let the scientists know, they would want to see how hot he could go before it was too much. 

And it wouldn't take too long. 

So he slowly overheated in silence, inside a cage that wasn't even meant for him.

§

They had to have known about the heat, and hiding it wasn't stopping them. If anything it felt hotter. 

He continued hiding his reaction. 

§

The first to visit him was a SHIELD scientist Loki didn't recognize. The man had him remove his shirt, and He thanked whatever fate was listening that it was only his shirt. When he made to touch him Loki moved away. 

It wouldn't do to injure the man, not when he was already prisoner. 

"You cannot touch me. My skin, it burns the Æsir--" Loki murmured in explanation. 

The scientist cut him off, "You didn't hurt Thor, when he helped move you." He touched Loki's face, and the god could feel his magic telling him how to create ice, how to be so cold it burned, how to defend, but it was powerless. He could feel the scorching heat against his cheek. 

He let them take his vitals. 

§

Loki's blood was different than it used to be. 

It used to be red, like a normal Ás, a normal Midgardian. Now, now it was black as night, and Loki could only think about how fitting that a monster had black blood. 

His veins were different too, and the scientist was unsure of how to collect the life giving liquid. Unsure, that is, until Loki grabbed a scalpel to drag across his palm. 

Because he may not have known much about this body but he knew how to hurt it. 

The man quickly gathered the blood in vial after vial, rushing to collect all he could before the wound sealed up. 

§

The second scientist to visit Loki took other samples. Hair, skin, saliva. 

When he asked for a urine sample, Loki wanted to throttle him. He wasn't exactly sure how he managed not to. He was relieved to find that this body worked like his old one in that respect. 

He didn't know that monsters had nerves in their nails. 

He hadn't realized it could be this hot. 

§

The first time they brought him food, one whiff and he thought he was going to be ill. 

He drank the water with abandon. 

§

It made him sick. 

§

He spent most of his time sitting against the wall. It supported him, and it was the only thing remotely cool in the entire room. 

§

When they came to take him to an exercise room for stress tests, Loki thought that they were trying to speed up the results for their heat test. 

He could only run a quarter of the distance his real body could, and lift half the weight. 

They did give him all the water he asked for, and Loki thought that may have made up for the black dots in his vision and the sick feeling in his stomach. 

§

They looked at his bones and sent him through multiple scanners. 

He found it more and more difficult to walk straight the longer the heat went. 

§

When he could hardly stand, Loki put an end to the test. He rapped his fist against the door, and when an irritated looking guard arrived he asked for Banner. He could scare the others into quitting. 

The physicist arrived ten minutes later, looking tired. 

When he entered the cell, Loki tried glaring at him, but all the focus created a pounding in his skull. 

He opened his mouth to speak then cleared his throat, "Stop the heat test." He tried to make it sound like an order, but with how he looked it probably looked more like a pet telling it's master it didn't want to do something. 

Banner's brow furrowed. "What heat test? They haven't done any heat test." 

"They have. Make them stop." 

A worried look crossed Banner's face, and he took a quick step towards Loki. Raising his hand, he lifted his eyebrows for permission. Loki waved his hand feebly. What difference did one more person make?

His hand felt like a brand on Loki's skin and it was all he could do not to withdraw and show his discomfort. 

He was sure that his face didn't obey, could feel his mouth deepening into a frown and his eyes widening. 

The longer the doctor touched him, the more bothered his expression became. 

"Loki," he said slowly, "How cold is it on Yotenhime?" Loki couldn't find it in himself to care about the butchered pronunciation. 

The god closed his eyes, "Bitterly cold. Freezing. Covered in snow year round." He wasn't sure how the mortals recorded temperature, but surely their snow was the same. 

Banner removed his hand like Loki had frozen him. 

"I need you to sit down, okay?" He pitched his voice low, and Loki wasn't quite sure why. He sat down anyway. 

"How many days has it been since you... changed?" He hesitated on the last word. 

"Two days?" Loki guessed, "The lights do not cease, so it is hard to tell."

Banner made an angry noise, and Loki's eyes flew open. "I feel as though I must inform you that this cell is already taken and I do not like to share."

The other man have a short laugh, shaking his head. "No. Not that kind of angry. I'm going to turn down the temperature until it's freezing. It'll take an hour or so, but in a few minutes you'll be able to feel the difference."

Loki rested his head on the wall, listening to Banner's retreat. 

§

The room steadily got colder and colder. Loki was grateful for the shift. 

A miserable looking assistant brought him a pitcher of water and a plastic cup. He downed it quickly, but the refreshing liquid hardly replenished what he had lost over the past few days. 

The assistant looked at him with ill-hidden disgust and Loki wasn't even sure if it was because he looked like this or if it was because of his actions the year prior. 

It would make more sense if it was his appearance. It reminded them how very not human he was. 

§

A few minutes later, he threw up. 

§

The second time Banner arrived, he brought more water. 

"You have to drink this slowly, a few sips at a time. Or you will vomit again." He instructed gently. 

Loki nodded, taking the cup and took only a few small drinks of water. 

Banner took a deep breath, "They didn't mean to almost give you heat stroke. Apparently, it escaped their knowledge that a… person who could freeze skin at the faintest touch would have to have an incredibly low body temperature. They also didn't realize that a seventy degree room would be similar to humans being in a hundred-thirty degree room, with minimal water."

"You do not have to censor yourself. I am aware of what I am." Loki mumbled. 

"What are you talking about?" The physicist asked. 

"I am not a person." Loki tilted his head back, directing his gaze at the ceiling, where a disproportional reflection looked back at him. "I am of Jötunheimr. Do not trouble yourself with trying to spare my feelings."

"I was trying not to call you human; I assumed that would be an insult to you." Banner tried to smile, but it hardly reached his eyes. 

"Again. Do not try and spare my feelings." Loki paused. "Are they going to make me do the stress tests once I am better?" 

The other man sighed, "Yes. They'll give you twenty four hours to recuperate and then retest you. Fury's going to let you change back once you're done with those."

"Very well." Loki acquiesced. 

"Have you slept at all the past few days?" 

"The lights do not cease." Loki repeated. 

Banner swore, "I can't completely turn the lights off but I'm going to dim them. Is there anything you would like to eat? I'll bring it when you wake up."

Loki considered the request, "Fish of some sort? They have a sea on Jötunheimr, and I am not quite sure of what else. Make it as bland as you are able, please."

"Alright. I'm going to leave so you can get some rest."

Loki shut his eyes and the pale blue behind his eyes dimmed to black. 

§

He woke to a hushed argument behind the doors. The room was near soundproofed, but only for mortals. 

"You didn't even give him something to sleep on!" Banner hissed. 

The other man mumbled something unintelligible and Loki drifted back into unconsciousness. 

§

The second time he woke he stayed that way. He drank a bit of water and felt many times better than he had the past few days. 

The temperature was comfortable, and Loki was reasonably certain that his internal temperature was much lower. 

He had only been awake for ten minutes when Banner arrived with the Captain in tow. 

Loki looked questioningly at the soldier, because he couldn't think of a reason to invite him. 

"Steve is going to make sure that they keep their side of the promise after the stress tests." 

Before Loki could reply his stomach gurgled and it wasn't just his imagination that his face heated up. 

"Your food is outside. I'll be right back." The doctor hurried off. 

Loki shifted his attention to the blond man, "I admire your bravery, Captain."

The man looked startled, "Over what?"

"Why, spending so much time with a beast... That must hurt your sensibilities. And is it ever so cold, for you, I'm sure." Loki said sweetly. 

"Don't speak about Bruce like that." He defended, and, Norns, he was so much like Thor it _hurt_.

Loki pulled his lips back into a snarl, showing his disfigured teeth off, "The doctor has been most kind to me, despite knowing what I am. I suspect it is because he feels the same way I do. I would not insult him, not at this point in time."

Rogers frowned, "You're not an animal, Loki."

"Oh, do not deny your feelings to the god of lies. I wonder if I earned that title because my entire life was a lie. I know the Odinson's feelings on the matter, and all the scientists around here agree with him." 

Banner chose that moment to reenter the cell, carrying a plate of seafood. 

"After cooking it I put it in the fridge, so it should be cold."

Loki reached for the plate, surprised to see that they allowed him to use a real, metal fork. 

The taste was like heaven. He chewed it quickly, and reached to take another bite when the doctor grabbed his hand. "Eat slower. You'll get sick, otherwise."

Loki tried rolling his eyes, only a little surprised that they couldn't do that. 

He ate slower. 

§

The second batch of running tests went smoother. He ran fast enough for long enough. 

He could lift as much weight as normal. 

Rogers stood in the corner, in a coat that seemed too small for his body. 

It was blessedly cold. 

§

Thor arrived to change him back. He looked troubled. 

"I do not think you are a beast, Loki."

Loki allowed an affronted look on his face, "Oh? Am I misremembering the continued promises to destroy the frost giants? Am I mistaken when I recall you threatening to kill every last one of them?

"It is the only time when I have done what Asgard wanted better than you, _brother_. I was truly going to destroy the frost giants, those 'monstrous beasts.' But, alas, to do that I would have to destroy myself. And I know you no longer care for me," Thor opened his mouth to argue, "Do _not_ interrupt me, Odinson. You _cannot_ care for me, because now I am that damned monster you always swore to remove. You even showed your friends so they could understand, and was that not _kind_ of you." Loki spit out. 

"I told them because Father said I could not hide it!" Thor yelled, and his voice reverberated off the walls, making it loud enough to hurt Loki's ears. 

"Because you have never ignored the All-Father's orders before!" Loki retorted. 

"Loki, I could not ignore their question. I asked for you to have a lighter sentence because it was not entirely your idea to invade this realm, and he agreed, but with the stipulation that I not hide this." Thor defended. 

"What was my punishment supposed to be, Odinson?" 

"Life in prison. Or death. For treason against Asgard." Thor's voice was heavy. 

"I did not commit treason! I only acted on what you swore you would do from the moment you even knew what a Jötunn was. Remind me, what was that? Oh, yes, annihilate them!" Loki accused. 

"You allowed frost giants into Asgard, Loki. That is treason no matter how you look at it." Thor said, calm as could be and it only made Loki angrier. 

"In no way were you ready to be king! The frost giants were meant to post pone your coronation, not stop it completely. Whether or not I knew at the time, I could never have been king. I have never had a chance at the throne. Even though, at the time, I would have been a much better ruler." Because now, Loki could grudgingly admit, if only to himself, that Thor had matured enough to not be a wholly awful monarch. 

The blue god could see that Thor wanted to deny that Loki never had a chance, but he couldn't, because it wouldn't be truthful. 

"I am sorry, brother, for the grievances I have caused you." The remorseful look just made everything so much _worse_ , because it wasn't real. Thor was apologizing to his Æsir younger brother from centuries past, and not the adopted beast of the present. 

"Look in front of you, Odinson! Does the thing in front of you look like your brother of centuries past?" Loki objected loudly. 

"You have always been this way, Loki! Just because we were unaware of it does not make it any less true! You have always been a Jötunn and you have always been my brother!" 

Loki wanted to burn the eager expression off of Thor's face. He could feel his magic humming behind the restraints, telling him exactly how. 

"Change me into one of the Æsir. I do not like this form. I do not like the way it feels, the way it looks, my finger nails have nerves, Thor. Next time you condone the interrogation of a Jötunn, remember that."

The next time Thor spoke it was to change Loki back. 

Loki never thought he would be so relieved to be freezing. 

§

They took him back to Stark's tower after he returned to normal. 

Banner checked in him, to make sure he was adjusting fine, apparently. 

Loki didn't understand. He didn't understand why Banner would even _care_ about Loki's situation. Banner had nearly killed him the second time they crossed—oh. 

That was why. Banner cared because he could see himself in Loki and wasn't that just pathetic. 

Loki, compared to a mortal. Both detesting the thing that hid under their skin. 

But at least Banner's could be redeemed. He was considered a hero now. The Hulk was a portion of Midgard's greatest heroes and people would defend him. Banner had people who could care. 

Loki didn't. No self-respecting Ás would be caught dead actually caring about a Jötunn. Oh, they may show pity, but no more than they would while slaughtering a squealing pig or a lamb bleating for it's mother. 

The Queen was an exception, of course, because she was not of Asgard and therefore could not be expected to uphold the same beliefs. 

Thinking about her at any time hurt. The idea that her affection was faked added a weight to his heart that he couldn't even begin to lift. But she told him, multiple times, that she loved him and surely she didn't lie each time. But she did lie by calling him her son for so many years. 

Because he still felt affection for her. He still loved her because her affection was not faked when she knew. Maybe she had deluded herself into thinking that she was actually his mother. 

The All-Father never tried. Loki could remember with clarity every time Thor was deemed better, for being stronger, for being more willing to fight, for not using seiðr like a coward. His mother had encouraged him, though, in his pursuits, in the things he enjoyed and excelled, instead of encouraging him to make a fool of himself trying to be better than Thor in the eyes of the king. 

And now his talents were chained to a group of masters. He couldn't even turn off the lights with magic unless he had permission. 

At least they didn't insist on him removing all his clothes. It was a shame he didn't think he could bear, if they saw that the Jötnar were two sexed freaks. 

He didn't think he would have stopped himself from hurting them if they tried to examine there. He didn't even know if he could have. 

Loki walked over to turn off the lights, and made his way back to his bed in the darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> Thor did his best to help Loki is the best way he could. 
> 
> Loki doesn't see it that way, but Thor is a great older brother to have if you're a criminal.
> 
> Come find me on tumblr at wintersoldger.tumblr.com.


End file.
